I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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