You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
