the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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