Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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