But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
