I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
