I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Holy sore nipples Batman
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
