If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
