now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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