I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize