ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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