Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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