i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
