when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
