i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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