Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
