I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I would ride that face into the sunset
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
