it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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