were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
