i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
