Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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