3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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