WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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