I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
