can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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