apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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