Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
