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and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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