I just saw a hot homeless man
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
