I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
