You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
