Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
