He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
