Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
