And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
