Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
