Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We are all done wearing pants today
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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