Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
