I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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