Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
