In the future we'll all be gay
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
