the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
