I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
