upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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