my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
