So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
