I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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