I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize