It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
