She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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