guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
