I hate all girls vehemently.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
