there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
