also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Randomize
