You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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