I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
