Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
