I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
