can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
