i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
