whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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