On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
