Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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