I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize