whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
